


A Plan in Motion

by klmeri



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-14 00:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1246024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klmeri/pseuds/klmeri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unbeknownst to the men of the Enterprise, the women are plotting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

"There's a word for what they are."

"Idiots?"

Seated at a table in a corner of the Officers' Mess, two female officers smile at each other knowingly. 

A third woman joins them. "Did I miss something?" she wants to know.

"Nothing which can be repeated without sounding like mutiny," Nyota tells Christine. "Don't worry, I'll tell you later. Did McCoy hold you up again?"

Christine rolls her eyes. "For all that he is a genius and damn good doctor, he can be a child. And who said I have to be his mother?"

"At least you literally don't have to follow him around reminding him to eat," Janice offers. "I feel like 'yeoman' is a fancy term for caretaker." She sighs. "I just don't see why I have to be the one stuck with the job."

Nyota stirs her coffee. "Normally yeoman to the Captain would be considered an honor, except in your case—"

" _Kirk_ ," the women say in unison.

An ensign casts a curious glance in their direction. Nyota stares him down until he retreats to the opposite side of the cafeteria. Then she turns back to her companions to resume their conversation. 

"I tried to visit Spock before alpha shift. He wasn't in his quarters again."

Christine's eyebrows furrow with concern. "Something must really be bothering him."

"But I thought Vulcans didn't need as much sleep as humans," Janice says.

Nyota says, "While that's true, they still take regular rest periods."

"A Vulcan's body can fall into a state that mimics sleep," Christine adds, " but the mind remains active. It's a unique form of meditation preferred by their race." After a pause, she explains somewhat sheepishly, "Geoff and I have lunch together sometimes. He's very avid about Vulcans."

Janice plants an elbow on the table and leans forward, clearly curious. "Has he figured out that you like him yet?"

"I don't!" Christine replies, blushing, at the same time Nyota remarks, "I doubt it. Men are so oblivious. Case in point, why we're here."

"True," concedes the other woman.

Lowering her voice, Nyota motions for Christine and Janice to listen closely. "Speaking of... how is the project coming along? Anything new to report?"

Janice shakes her head. "I made certain the Captain had extra free time but he used it up jogging around the ship. At one point I considered tripping him just so there would be a reason to send him to Sickbay."

Nyota looks to Christine.

"McCoy's a little less oblivious than Kirk, I think," Christine offers. "Unfortunately it doesn't seem like he plans to do anything about it. I caught him moping in his office but he lied and said he was aggravated about something else. I honestly don't know what I can do at this point except to tell him to come clean about his feelings."

Drumming her fingers on the tabletop, Nyota shakes her head. "That would probably push him to isolate the others completely once he realizes he isn't hiding it as well as he thinks. I say that because I tried to bring up the subject with Spock. That was a disaster."

"Ugh," says Christine, "what's wrong with them? Why are they so _stubborn?_ "

"Again," Nyota inputs, "they're men. Short of locking the idiots together in a utility closet, this dance will probably continue until the end of the five-year mission. I'd hate to think of what happens to them after that."

"It's too depressing of a thought," agrees Janice.

Christine looks fierce. "I'd have to resign before I killed them out of sheer exasperation." 

Her companions nod. 

Then Nyota sighs through her nose, adopting a grim expression. "Ladies, I now deem this project at critical status. Forget the next stage. It's time for emergency protocol."

" _Yesss_ ," hisses the nurse. "I've been waiting for this."

Janice straightens in her seat and reports dutifully, "I already bought the supplies at the last starbase. And there's a group of supporters down in Engineering who would be very willing to help the cause."

Nyota's lips begin to curve. "Excellent. Let it never be said this crew doesn't have the Captain's best interest at heart—even if it means breaking a regulation or two."

"Or three."

"Or ten," says the yeoman. She sticks her hand out. "To the Captain."

Christine adds her hand to Janice's. "To the Doctor."

Nyota's hand joins them. "And the First."

" _Battle stations!_ " they cry together, tossing their hands into the air afterward.

~~~

Jim brushes past Leonard on his way out of the bathroom, pulling a small towel off his shoulder.

"Don't drop that on the floor," he hears in warning from Leonard.

Jim cuts his eyes sideways, considering for a second or two doing exactly that; but in the end, common sense wins out over his mischievous streak, so he tosses the towel onto the rumpled bed instead. Then he turns in a half-circle to consider the rest of the cabin, wondering where his socks have gone.

Leonard exits the bathroom a moment later, saying, "Just use a pair of mine. Spock probably dumped yours in with the laundry."

Jim goes to Leonard's dresser. "What's his problem anyway?"

"You mean besides the fact he doesn't like it when you wear your socks twice in a row?"

"Geez," Jim shakes his head, "he's such a _mom_." Behind him, he hears Leonard muffle a laugh.

"Get your facts straight, kid. He's a wife, not a mom," says Leonard. "I would know. I've been married."

Jim turns to face the man, his eyes bright with amusement. "Are you saying we're like a married couple?"

"In all but paperwork." With a wink, Leonard moves toward the desk situated on the other side of the cabin.

Jim has to fight off the grin on his face. It turns out to be a lost cause.

"Bones," he murmurs, sidling up to Leonard's back and catching the man around the waist. "What would you say if we did get married?"

"I'd say, 'What does Spock think?'" He paused. "Or maybe ' _Who the hell talked me into this?_ '"

" _Bones_."

Leonard twists his head around to look at Jim. "You know, we'd shock a lot of people if we did that. No one even knows we're—"

"Taking care of each other's laundry?" Jim supplies. "Professing our undying love over candlelight dinners and taking long, romantic walks around the ship while disguising them as business?" His eyes twinkle. "Having sex?"

"Together," says his partner. "And there was only one candlelight dinner, which will never, _ever_ happen again because you're a complete disaster around fire."

"Poor Spock's hair," Jim says piously.

Leonard's teeth sink into his bottom lip.

They catch each other's eyes and burst out laughing.

The door to Leonard's quarters slides open, silhouetting for a brief second a tall, familiar figure in the doorway. Spock enters, takes one look at Jim and Leonard—who laugh even harder—and immediately pivots on the ball of his foot to retreat again.

"WAIT!" they cry in unison.

He pauses on the threshold.

"Miss you," Leonard says.

Spock apparently decides to come into the room after all. He tells them, "Would it benefit me to know why you both are so amused?"

"Were your ears burning?" Jim counters.

Spock gives him a long stare. "Negative."

"Never mind," intervenes Leonard. "We were getting ready to find breakfast."

"Breakfast will be served at the same place it has been served for the past six hundred and—"

Jim coughs loudly and clears his throat.

Spock does not complete his sentence. Instead, he makes a polite offer. "Shall I escort you to the Officers' Mess?"

"Pretty sure that's why you came here, hobgoblin." Leonard runs a hand through his hair, then frowns as if he cannot decide whether that action fixed his cowlick or not.

It didn't but neither Jim nor Spock would tell him that.

Smiling, Jim hurriedly dons the socks in his hand and searches for his boots.

"Pants, Jim," Leonard reminds him.

Spock adds, "Also, underwear might be appropriate."

"I could start a new fashion." Jim strikes a pose. "What do you think?"

Spock hardly blinks. "That I would be forced to terminate this relationship."

"Hm," considers Leonard, cocking his head. "I'm gonna have to go with... Ditto. Seriously, put on your pants, Jim. I'm starvin'." He heads for the door.

"What's happening here? Wasn't I the one who seduced you both?" Jim asks the Vulcan, who dutifully offers him the pants he isn't wearing.

"I told you, _mar-ried!_ " sing-songs Leonard as he walks out.

"Marriage?" Spock questions.

Jim finishes dressing himself and slings an arm around Spock's shoulders. "I'll tell you over oatmeal. Just know ahead of time I'm going to need your full support, Spock."

"You shall have it, Jim."

"Excellent," replies Spock's partner. "C'mon, let's catch up to Bones before he frightens someone with his early morning bedside manner."

"Is it any different than his usual bedside manner?"

"Nope," Jim says cheerfully, and together they leave the cabin, Jim's arm slipping away from Spock's shoulders.

~~~

"How can they not know?" whispers a petite officer in red to her blonde companion.

From her crouched position, Janice narrows her eyes, tracking the progress of the Captain and First Officer along the corridor. "I don't know," she replies. "See how Kirk glows in the presence of the Vulcan?"

The woman observes this phenomenon and nods.

Janice flips open a communicator and activates an encrypted channel. "Captain's Woman to Enterprise Queen."

"Enterprise Queen here. What is your position, Captain's Woman?"

"I have Subjects 1 and 2 in sight. Location of Subject 3 unknown."

"Understood. Proceed as planned. The Widow-Maker is en route to intercept Subject 3."

Satisfied, Janice closes the communicator.

~~~

" _Doctor!_ " calls a voice. "Doctor McCoy!"

Leonard had slowed his pace over the last few minutes with the intention of letting Jim and Spock catch up to him. But he never expected to have his Head Nurse find him instead and drag him toward the area where people are waiting for the turbolift.

"I'm, uh, on my way to breakfast, Christine," he tells her. "What's this about?"

"Oh, pssh," the woman says. "You don't want to bother with that. It's oatmeal today. You don't like oatmeal."

 _But Jim does_ , Leonard thinks, and shifts uncomfortably on his feet.

Christine's fingers dig into the man's arm. "Besides, I need you with me."

"Now?"

" _Right now._ "

"I'm sorry but—"

Leonard hasn't the chance to finish the refusal. The turbolift dings, having arrived, but oddly none of the waiting bodies move toward it. Christine smiles sweetly at Leonard and, to his surprise, steps aside. The group of people move, then, en masse, swarming around Leonard and forcing him to scuttle backwards into the turbolift. The door shuts before he can think to fight his way out.

And that is how Leonard McCoy misses breakfast and ends up in Engineering.

 

**TBC?**


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I have an excuse for this? Not really. I just like writing ridiculously sweet McSpirk. Also, there's going to be one more part - you know, in which secrets aren't so secret anymore.

Jim and Spock come to a halt at the entrance to the Officers' Mess, and Jim lifts a hand to rub at the back of his neck. "Something's wrong," he says, voice subdued, and scans the crowded room.

Spock offers, "It is possible he was called to Sickbay."

Absently Jim presses his mouth into a thin line. "Without letting us know?"

Spock's silence echoes the denial in Jim's question.

Jim pivots on the ball of his foot and exits the way he came, the Vulcan in close attendance. There are two access ports to the ship's computer in every corridor. Jim activates the nearest one to his current location, ordering, "Computer, locate Doctor McCoy."

" _Working,_ " responds the computer. " _Dr. Leonard H. McCoy, location, section D9A, Engineering_."

Jim takes his finger off the button, a furrow etched between his eyebrows. "How did Bones end up in Engineering?"

"Perhaps we should ask him."

But Jim hesitates. His fingers drum against the wall paneling.

"Unless," Spock demurs, "you feel he is in no danger. Then I would suggest we have breakfast, as intended, with the assumption he will join us once he is able."

"Because we really shouldn't go chasing our third around the ship at the drop of a hat if we want to prevent rumors."

"Precisely—although I do not understand your reference to dropping a hat, Captain."

Smiling slightly, Jim pushes off the wall. "Grab me an extra bowl of oatmeal and I promise to explain it to you."

Spock folds his hands behind his back. "You realize Leonard will figure out why I, who never consumes the substance, would order it in his absence."

"That's half the reason I want it. Bones isn't satisfied if he doesn't have something to fuss about."

"Fascinating. Then should I order two bowls?"

Jim's smile turns into a grin. "Now you're talking!" They turn back to the mess hall. "What would Bones do without us?"

~~~

"There may be a slight problem," whispers Captain's Woman into her communicator. "The daily breakfast ritual has been broken. Yet Subjects 1 and 2 have proceeded to the replicators without Subject 3."

" _Idiots_ ," comes a low feminine snarl over the channel.

Captain's Woman's grip on the device tightens in displeasure. "Subject 1 seems to be taking advantage of Subject 3's absence by indulging in excessive portions of food." She adds in a hiss, "I am _not_ ordering him bigger-sized pants! We have to do something, Enterprise Queen. _This situation is out of control._ "

"Move in."

"Roger that," replies the aggravated woman.

~~~

Leonard is not certain what is happening and maybe just a little bit apprehensive about it. He has tried twice already to leave the deck and been waylaid each time but not in a manner that he can directly accuse anyone of keeping him there.

Frankly, the women in this department scare him.

"Yoo-hoo! Doctor McCoy! Over here!"

 _Dear Lord,_ Leonard prays as a hand latches onto his arm, _send help. Get me outta here!_

"I really need to go," he tries to explain out loud to his companion.

The woman's eyes, plus those of her two colleagues, fill with tears.

Leonard cringes, having always been too soft-hearted to bear the sight of anyone crying. "All right, all right... none of that now. What is it that y'all wanted to show me this time?"

The women blink, suddenly clear-eyed again. The one holding onto Leonard gives him the brightest smile and begins to drag him across the open floor of the deck. Her two friends follow at the man's back in case, Leonard surmises, he accidentally gets turned around and makes for the lift again.

No, in all honesty Leonard has no idea what in the blazes is going on.

~~~

"Captain."

Jim pauses with a spoonful of oatmeal half to his mouth when Janice Rand moves out of his peripheral vision to a position behind Spock's shoulder so that Jim has no excuse to pretend he doesn't see or hear her. Spock, contentedly cutting up his selection of fruit, gives no indication that he is interested in the conversation about to happen.

"Miss Rand," Jim greets her. Then, instead of lowering his oatmeal-laden spoon, he shoves it into his mouth and beams.

Janice's gaze drops to an empty bowl on Jim's left then moves to the full one on his right before focusing on the bowl into which he is currently digging out the next spoonful of oatmeal. "Captain, I'm sorry to interrupt your... breakfast," she says, her tone subtly disapproving, "but by chance do you know where Doctor McCoy is?" Hugging a PADD to her chest, she adds, "I have a question about one of last week's requisition forms from Medical."

"Uh," Jim begins, glancing to Spock, whose eyes are still downcast. "Not really. Have you tried Sickbay?"

"He's not there." For a moment, her gaze goes out of focus as if she is thinking hard. Then coming to life again, she turns away slightly to leave, remarking, "Thanks anyway. If he's not in the 'Bay, then he must be Engineering."

Jim sits up straight, forgetting about his food. "Yeoman!" he calls out to her, a bit sharper than he means to.

Janice turns back to the table with a blink. "Yes, sir?"

"I doubt Doctor McCoy is down in Engineering."

"Oh, I don't know about that," she counters, then glances around before lowering her voice. "I heard he's been there a lot recently... maybe to see a special lady friend." She winks.

Surprisingly, Spock is the one who responds, putting down his eating utensils and twisting around to stare at the woman. "It is not becoming of a Starfleet officer to lend credence to gossip, Yeoman."

It's odd but Jim thinks he sees triumph flash across Rand's face before her expression turns contrite.

"My apologies, Mr. Spock."

Jim clears his throat, giving Janice a tiny nod of dismissal. She hurries away toward the nearest throng of people.

Spock faces forward again and looks down at his fork as if he is engaged in a great internal debate over what to do with it.

"I don't think he has time to date anyone else," Jim says carefully, very afraid that he might sound like he has some margin of doubt over that. But he doesn't— _can't_ —because he knows Bones is happy with their arrangement. He should not be thinking that less than an hour ago, Leonard hadn't acted very interested when he had brought up the possibility of a legitimate marriage.

"Jim."

The softness with which Spock speaks his name brings Jim out of his thoughts.

Spock's dark eyes are too knowing when he says, "It would not matter if he had the time because he would never have the inclination."

That is a strong statement coming from someone who calculates risks for a living, Jim thinks. He resists the urge to reach across the table to take Spock's hand, instead grabbing the spoon he abandoned in his second bowl of oatmeal. He gives his attention to finishing his breakfast. Silence settles between them at the table; any tension which might be felt eventually fades away by the time the meal is over.

"See you on the Bridge?" Jim murmurs after he empties his tray in the proper receptacle and moves aside so Spock can do the same.

"Affirmative."

They part ways, he and Spock: Jim heading to the gymnasium to complete his morning routine, and the Vulcan to his quarters to prepare a schedule for accomplishing the day's objectives. If Leonard is still in their thoughts, neither of them mentions him to the other.

~~~

Leonard, head hanging in his hands, catches only snippets of the conversation going on behind him. The ladies who had been entertaining him all morning don't sound particularly happy as they discuss something. After one exceptionally vocal person wails "... _but how could it fail!_ ", Leonard decides they've obviously forgotten about him. He levers himself to his feet with the intention of walking fast but not-quite running to the nearest exit.

Somebody automatically shoves him back down into his chair. He twists around, incensed.

Christine is standing behind him. She gives him a hard stare. "There you are, Leonard. Why aren't you in Sickbay?"

Leonard gapes at her. "You pushed me into the lift!"

With an indignant sniff, the nurse settles her hands on her hips. "Nonsense! You got away from me."

He—she— _what?_

Ignoring her boss's sputtering, Christine comes around the chair, patting his shoulder as she goes. She casts a look about the work area then remarks strangely, "I've always had a fondness for this part of the ship." Afterwards, she hauls him up by the arm and tows him to the turbolift. 

Leonard notices that his group of admirers from earlier have disappeared with nary a sound.

It all seems very, very suspicious to him.

~~~

Nyota Uhura leans back on her stool, contemplatively tapping one long fingernail against the side of her glass upon the bar counter. The women on either side of her sigh at the same time. There aren't many people in the recreational room and those who are there pay the unhappy little group no mind.

"Is it possible we underestimated them?" Christine questions aloud.

Janice, chin in hand, frowns. "Or worse, that we were wrong. Maybe they don't like each other that way after all."

"It can't be," says the woman in the middle. "Kirk's tried to die for them _at least_ five times each."

"He tries to die for everybody."

"Of course he does," Nyota agrees. "But with Leonard or Spock, he generally prefaces his sacrifice with 'My life would mean nothing without you.'"

For some reason, that quote tickles Janice. She says, after laughing, "Kirk's such a goober-head! He must think he's in a movie." Her expression sobers suddenly, mouth turning down again. "I suppose I am disappointed. I kind of did want them to fall in love like in the movies. I've always been too much of a romantic, I guess."

"Oh, hon..." Christine reaches around Nyota's drink to pat Janice's hand. "You aren't the only one. Do you know that Leonard told me once he would never be foolish enough to give his heart to someone? I mean, he was plastered at the time he said it but I know he meant what he said. His first marriage... well, I think it scarred him. That's why I _have_ to believe this can work for them. What happens to Leonard if it doesn't?"

"What happens to Spock?" Nyota adds. "He feels more deeply than a human. It may have been a mutual decision to end our relationship but I know I was still hurt by it. So I know he had to hurt more. I just... I don't know what else I can do. I don't want him to believe that because I wasn't the one means there is _no one_ for him. And he would—he really would."

"That's awful," Janice says. "I feel awful for both of them, but you know I feel worse for Kirk and that's why I'm here. I don't think he's even tried once! He thinks he isn't worth loving. How stupid is that?"

Nyota wipes at her eyes. "Pretty stupid. I always knew he was a idiot farm boy."

"Then we're in a pickle, ladies," chimes in Christine. "We clearly believe in our mission, but the mission has failed."

"Just this time," Janice points out. "I think we have to change this status from 'emergency' to 'do-or-die'." She looks to Nyota. "It may be time to play the wildcard."

Nyota nods, adopting a determined expression (from which people have often turned tail and run). "Yes, you're right. I'll set up the conference call for tomorrow morning."

Christine bites down on her bottom lip. "What if we're caught?"

Nyota lifts her chin. "Doing what?" she replies smoothly. "Contacting an old friend? Spock—the older Spock—said he would be pleased to converse with me at any time."

Janice seems to ponder this. "What are the chances he might be appalled by what we're trying to accomplish?"

"He'll just have to get over it and help us anyway," Nyota decides firmly, standing up. "Besides, I have practice at persuading a Vulcan just like him."

Christine and Janice can make no argument about that. She really is the best at her job.

~~~

"It's a little early to be indulging, don't you think?" Jim Kirk says, stepping into the CMO's officer an hour before the end of beta shift.

Leonard knocks back his glass and afterwards gives Jim a somewhat glassy-eyed stare. To Jim's surprise, he demands, "Where were you?"

Jim hooks a foot under a chair rung and drags it out from in front of the desk before taking a seat. "I should be the one asking that question." He looks from Leonard to the open bottle and back again. "Or maybe I shouldn't... Do I want to know?"

The doctor grunts.

"Got it. I don't want to know. But," he pauses with significance, "do I need to know?"

Leonard slumps backwards into his chair, the consideration on his face turned inwards. "I guess not?"

That sounds too much like a question. Jim pulls the bottle towards himself and peers through the opening of the colored glass to judge how much is left—and how was consumed. McCoy is going to have a hell of a headache tomorrow, he decides. 

Jim sets the bottle out of reach and stands up, moving around to Leonard's side of the desk. He gently eases the glass out of the man's hand, leaning down to kiss the corner of the frowning mouth and say, "Even drunk, you're still one of my favorite people, Bones."

"Not drunk," Leonard argues. "I'm tipsy."

Jim strokes a hand over the dark hair, then settles that hand against the back of Leonard's neck. As he expects, Leonard's eyes close of their own accord.

"Would you like me to carry you back to your quarters?"

The frowning mouth frowns more. "No."

"Would you like me to call Spock so he can carry you back to your quarters?"

Leonard huffs out a breath. "No, Jim."

"Then I'm afraid you're going to have to walk... but being my usual, kind-hearted self, I will agree to follow behind you in case you start to list."

"Up yours, kid." Leonard's eyes open, filled with consternation, as he goes on to complain, "I'm never goin' down there again."

Jim uses his thumb to caress the skin of Leonard's neck. He leans toward one ear and asks in a soft voice, "Go where, Bones?"

"To the depths of hell, that's where." Leonard drops his head forward and massages the space between his eyebrows with one hand. "Go away. I have a headache."

Jim slides his arms around the man and hugs him from behind. "Not a chance."

"Stubborn," Jim is accused, but the accusation is only half-hearted.

Jim lowers his chin to the top of Leonard's head. "Do you love me, Bones?"

"Yeah, but only because I never learned better."

He smiles. "Good. I love you too." In a more coaxing tone, he tries, "Now why don't you let me help you to your quarters?"

A hand slides along Jim's arm. "You aren't planning on staying, are you?"

"Maybe."

The hand squeezes his arm as Leonard admits, "I guess I could try not to complain too much."

And that's how Jim knows he has won. He drops a kiss to Leonard's hair and then proceeds to assist the tipsy doctor to his feet.

~~~

When the doorway to Leonard's quarters slides open to admit a newcomer, Jim lifts a finger to his mouth in warning. Spock crosses the cabin as if he is a ghost.

After tucking a blanket a little more securely around Leonard, Jim rises from the bed and goes to Spock. They touch fingers for a brief moment before Spock settles his hand against the side of Jim's face.

 _He just fell asleep_ , Jim projects to the Vulcan, along with the memory of exactly how he managed to get a wobbling Leonard into the bed.

Spock's amusement flows like a strong current between them. _I am not certain he will appreciate your efforts once he is conscious._

_You'll protect me._

_I prefer not to take sides._

Jim laughs. _Don't tell me you're afraid of Bones!_

Spock shows Jim how he feels concerning Leonard when the man has a fit of temper. Jim's lips part at the strange mix of respect, scientific interest and attraction.

 _He becomes inordinately emotional when he perceives a slight against his person_ , Spock relays to Jim. _I believe the phenomenon is termed 'prickly'. It is fascinating._

_What about me?_

_Your reactions interest me as well, Jim. In the same situation, your automatic response is to feel but anger; yet you often place it aside to allow other responses to take precedence, most commonly amusement or a show of tolerance. I meant to ask you. Where did you learn this method?_

From Jim, there is a flash of embarrassment. _It's not learned, exactly. I do it because of something Pike said to me once: that the lives of others should never be subject to a man who values them less than his own anger._ Jim's eyes crinkle at the corners. _Basically, I can't be a brat and a captain._

_Jim, the fact that you can absorb this lesson and master it is proof of Pike's belief in your ability to command this ship._

_I don't always make the best decisions, Spock. You know that._

_You cannot be perfect. Perfection does not exist._

_I think you're perfect,_ he replies, meaning it.

Spock's eyes glint as he withdraws his hand from Jim's face. "I am flattered but you are, of course, incorrect, ashayam. I will kiss you now. Which method would you prefer?"

"Both," Jim says, and Spock obliges him.


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I've elevated the rank of Chapel here a little early. In TOS, she starts out as an ensign and it isn't until TAS that she becomes a lieutenant.  
> Second, the podfic for _Of Sacraments and War_ is now available! Go [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1315159) to download.

"Nyota, it is a pleasure to speak with you again."

"And you, Selek," Nyota Uhura says in turn. "Thank you for your time. Please allow me to introduce two colleagues of mine. This is Lieutenant Christine Chapel," she indicates the woman on her left then the one on the right, "and Yeoman Janice Rand."

The Vulcan on the computer screen inclines his head.

Janice leans forward, asking curiously, "Ambassador, did you know us in your universe? Did we serve aboard the Enterprise too?"

"The answer is yes to both of those questions, Miss Rand. I find it remarkable yet unsurprising to discover that each of you share in a similar destiny. You were invaluable to the success of the ship and its crew in my universe, and so it is only logical you shall be in this universe." 

Christine flushes and whispers to Nyota, "He's not quite like our Spock, is he?"

"He's charming," her friend answers.

Janice adds, "Like Jim."

"It has been said to me on numerous occasions that my long acquaintance with James T. Kirk had an unexpected effect on my manner. I would not entirely disagree. I am..." The Vulcan pauses as if searching for the proper word. "...not the same in many ways."

Nyota recognizes an opening when she sees one. "Do you have any regrets?"

"Please clarify."

"You said knowing Kirk changed you. Have you ever had a reason to regret that?"

The Vulcan steeples his fingers, seeming to give the question serious thought. At last, he says, "There was a time I believed human friendship came at the cost of who I was. In the end I realized such was not the case. Because of it I learned to accept myself as a child of two worlds without the sacrifice of either. For this gift, I will always be indebted to them."

Christine's hands spasm in her lap. "Them?"

"While there were several individuals in my lifetime whom I considered a friend, only two were _t'hy'la_."

Nyota draws in a breath, knowing enough of the Vulcan language to understand what distinguished the word. T'hy'la is family. "Kirk," she guesses, "and... McCoy?"

The Vulcan nods.

"They mean a lot to each other in this universe too," she tells him. "Actually, that's why we called you."

Spock lifts an eyebrow. "I see. What is it that you wish of me?"

The women exchange a look. 

Nyota takes the lead again. "Is it possible that you—I mean, our version of you—could love one of them?"

"He is his own person. I cannot speak for him. However, if I have understood correctly why it is that you have asked me this question, I will tell you this: in any universe, I should hope to care for both of them a great deal."

"I thought so," Nyota says, sounding satisfied. "So... how willing are you to pass this message along to them?"

In response, the Vulcan raises his eyebrows.

~~~

Leonard wakes up feeling like he's been in a shuttle collision. It only makes sense, then, to burrow himself farther under the covers and will himself to pass on from this life.

"Leonard?"

A pillow muffles Leonard's groan.

"Leonard, I know you are awake."

 _Of course_. Fate would make it so that he can't die until he has been lectured by his Vulcan boyfriend.

The bed sheet is lifted away from his head. Leonard gropes for it blindly, unwilling to remove his face from his pillow. "Nuuugh," he complains, "give it back."

Spock, the bastard, tells him instead, "You cannot stay in bed any longer," and depresses a hypospray against his arm.

The solution from the hypospray works too well. Within a minute, Leonard's head doesn't hurt, his stomach isn't churning, and his limbs seem to have reattached themselves. He rolls over, hating the fact he is so damn good at his job to have invented the particularly effective cocktail. 

Spock casts a shadow over him from the side of the bed. "I take it you are feeling better."

"Damn you, I wanted to sleep."

"You have slept, Leonard. Now it is time for you to be productive."

Leonard draws the covers up to his chin and closes his eyes.

Spock makes that soft sound which is the Vulcan equivalent of a sigh.

If he can't sleep, then he can at least annoy Spock a little first, Leonard thinks, reminding himself not to smile. To his surprise, the bed sinks down on one side. Leonard opens his eyes when fingers ghost across his skin. 

"I do find you exasperating at times," Spock says. "Tell me, should I find a suitable excuse so that you may remain here?"

Leonard answers promptly with "Yes."

"Why?"

He catches Spock's hand. "Because you love me."

"I do love you," the Vulcan agrees, "but I am not certain this means I should encourage your behavior."

"You'd let Jim get away with murder, Spock. Maybe I want to be treated the same."

"Do I treat you differently?" Spock grows momentarily quiet, an indication that he is giving this notion some thought. "I do try to appease you both."

Leonard brings the back of Spock's hand to his mouth and brushes his lips against it. "Darlin', I'm not really complaining. We both know Jim has a tendency to be less mature, and so sometimes letting him have his way is like letting a child snitch a cookie from the cookie jar while your back is turned." He sits up. "You can hold me to higher standards. I don't mind."

Spock shifts his hand to cup the side of Leonard's face. For a long moment they simply enjoy the contact without words.

Eventually Spock withdraws. "I am to escort you to a private meal in Jim's quarters now that you are awake."

Spock has won. Leonard sighs with mock-exasperation. "All right, I guess I can't turn down food. Just let me have a moment to put myself together 'fore we go." He pauses in the act of sliding off the side of the bed to turn back to Spock. "You didn't let him light any candles, did you?"

"Negative. There are limits to even a Vulcan's generosity."

The corner of Leonard's mouth tips upward as he abruptly he leans forward to pull Spock close enough to place a kiss on his mouth. He lets go of Spock as quickly as he caught him. "Don't ever change, hobgoblin."

Spock watches Leonard cross the cabin to the bathroom, one of his eyebrows lifted.

~~~

There is a quiet lull in conversation, during which Jim's hand creeps along Leonard's thigh under the table. The other man has yet to brush aside although he seems interested only in his plate of food. Jim takes this as a personal challenge. Just when he is about to slide that hand to a more enticing spot, his personal computer lets him know he has an incoming transmission.

"Saved by the bell," remarks Leonard, dry as ever. "Better take your other hand out from under Spock's shirt too."

Spock's lightly green-tinted face flushes further.

"How can you be this grumpy when I'm trying to seduce you, Bones?" Jim complains as he stands up. 

"Not everybody appreciates being groped while they're eating, kid."

"Cranky old man."

"Infant."

Jim has it in his mind to dismiss the transmission (why didn't he have the sense to shut down the system to begin with, since there's nothing worse than being interrupted while he is in the act of wooing?) until he sees where it is coming from. He drops down into the chair at his desk and activates the screen with a cheerful "Spock!" From the corner of his eye, he sees his two companions come to attention.

"Jim," the Vulcan with a dusting of grey in his hair greets him. "I am sorry for the unscheduled communication. I hope this is not an inappropriate time to speak with you."

"No, it's fine," Jim tells him, waving away an unnecessary apology. He is more than pleased that his friend thought to call him. "I was just having some food."

"Ah. In that case, I—" The Vulcan stops mid-sentence, turning his head slightly away from Jim to say, "Hello, Spock."

"Hello, Ambassador," replies Jim's Spock, who is now standing just behind the desk chair in parade rest. "Are you well?"

"Yes, I am. Thank you for asking."

Amused, Jim wonders if either Spock realizes their conversation to any outsider would seem like a stiff-legged display of dominance. At least, on the younger Vulcan's behalf it does. No doubt his older counterpart is as equally amused as Jim. Even Leonard had once called it endearing, though he had said after, "There's no point in letting him know we think he's little bit jealous, Jim. It'd wound that non-existent pride of his, and he'll pout for days."

Jim realizes with a start that both Spocks are looking at him expectantly. "Did I miss something?"

"Nope," Leonard replies, having arrived by stealth to stand at his opposite shoulder. Leonard places a hand there. "So, Selek—" 

How funny, Jim thinks, that Bones still refuses to call him Spock. It isn't _that_ confusing.

"—Spock and I can hightail it outta here if you need to speak to Jim."

"It is fortunate, actually, that both of you are present, Leonard—ah, forgive me, Dr. McCoy," the Vulcan amends. There is a glint in his eyes that means he might have used McCoy's first name on purpose to watch the other Spock bristle.

"Why's that?" Jim wants to know.

"I would propose a matter which concerns the three of you. At this juncture, I assume it is too earlier to expect that you have informed others of the... change in your relationship."

"We're not waving a banner up and down the halls if that's what you're getting at," says Leonard.

"Bones," Jim chastises him.

"What?" grumps the doctor. 

Jim reaches up to pat the hand on his shoulder. He knows that Leonard feels embarrassed that the elder Vulcan is aware of their relationship in the first place. But where else could Jim have turned in order to figure out how to win Spock over? It's not his fault that the species is too smart for their own good. Of course, he honestly hadn't expected to receive advice on Spock _and_ Bones at the same time—but Jim isn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

The Vulcan folds his hand in front of him, which makes him appear wiser than he already is. "Perhaps it is time you were less discreet."

That startles Jim. "What's happened?" he asks as Spock replies, "That is not your decision to make, Ambassador."

"It is not a decision or an order," the oldest informs the youngest. "It is a suggestion, which of course you are at liberty to dismiss." To Jim he says, "Do not be concerned, Jim. While I cannot reveal the source whereby I formed my opinion, you may trust that the source is valid."

"I trust _you_ ," Jim says, "so that's good enough for me. Spock and Bones trust you too."

"Speak for yourself, Jim!"

"Don't mind Bones. He's being ornery out of habit."

"In every universe, it is Dr. McCoy whom I believe shall always remain the least changed."

Leonard looks to the Vulcan standing next to him. "Did you just insult me?"

"I did not."

"You, him—same difference. You'd better not insult me again, Spock."

Jim presses his lips together hard in order to keep from laughing out loud. Once the inclination under control, he asks mostly out of curiosity, "Do you really think it would serve us better to come forward?"

"There are those on your ship who will benefit from knowing. I explained to you that my relationship with your counterparts was platonic but regardless our friendship still had a strong effect on the crew. When there was a lack of harmony between us, the collective morale fared no better."

"It was probably like watching mom and dad fight," Leonard mutters.

"An adept observation, Doctor. Thus, the reasoning behind my suggestion: I suspect that at the moment you are attempting to discourage rumors, which implies that you would be less responsive to a matter regarding your companions than in the past. Have you considered that this may be a cause of concern to others?"

That niggles at Jim. His brows furrow as he tries to work it out. When he glances up at Spock, Spock has a similar expression of concentration.

"People are worried?" Leonard sounds incredulous. "Who?"

The Vulcan on the screen simply looks at Leonard.

Leonard's fingers tighten on Jim's shoulder. "Okay, fine. Say it's true—that there are some officers on this ship who don't like it when Jim, Spock, and I aren't close enough to be in each other's back pockets. But that doesn't mean they would accept the idea of us being _together_. I don't see how you could possibly think your conclusion is logical unless..." Leonard suddenly blanches.

Jim lifts up slightly in his seat to take Leonard's hand in concern. "Bones?"

It is Spock who finishes the thought on Leonard's behalf. "Unless someone has spoken directly to the Ambassador about us." His dark eyes stay fixed on the screen as if he can discern the truth from a lie by merely staring at his counterpart.

"Does the notion disturb you?" Spock is asked.

"Wait a minute," Jim interrupts before the Vulcan can give a sharp reply he might later regret. "You said 'a matter regarding your companions', Spock. Were you referring to an instance in particular?" He voices his suspicion, "Does it have something to do with what happened to Bones?" 

Both Vulcans look at him inquisitively. Leonard does too.

"What are you talking about, Jim?"

"Think about it, Bones. Nothing weird has been going on these last few weeks with the exception of yesterday. Yesterday, you disappeared." Jim turns to him. "Frankly that did concern me. You never did say where you were."

"Engineering," Leonard replies.

"Was it necessary for you to be in Engineering yesterday morning, Leonard?" Spock wants to know.

"Of course not. I got tricked into it... or something," Leonard tells him, seeming slightly confused himself. "I don't know. I was just there. It took forever to get out, too."

Jim feels like he has to ask. "Do you visit that department often?"

Leonard pulls his hand away. "Didn't you just hear what I said, kid? I didn't want to be there! I—wait, what happened to Selek?"

The three of them turn back to the screen—which has gone dark. Sometime during their discussion about the impromptu visit to Engineering, the Vulcan had quietly ended the communication. There is a message box at the bottom of the screen. Jim maximizes it.

It reads: _It seems you now have all which you need to move forward. Live long and prosper._

"That mysterious old bastard," Leonard snarls. "I can't believe he cut us off like that!"

"Indeed," echoes Spock.

"Everything we need..." Jim murmurs thoughtfully, ignoring their complaints. "Gentlemen, I think I know what he means." Standing up from his chair, he claps a hand to either of their shoulders. "We need to catch ourselves a few misguided officers."

"I'm feelin' kinda misguided myself right now, Jim."

"To whom do you refer, Captain?" 

Jim gives Leonard and Spock a thin smile. "I don't know, but I think we start with Rand."

~~~

Janice has a little extra time to fix her hair before starting her shift because she couldn't sleep very well the night following the conversation with Ambassador Selek. He hadn't exactly said that he would help them, only remarking that there was something he could say to Kirk which would 'enlighten matters for their Captain.'

That had sounded somewhat suspicious to her, but Nyota didn't seem bothered. In fact, the woman had thanked the Vulcan, indicating she trusted him to do what was best.

Janice still can't shake the feeling of an odd undercurrent going on that she isn't fully aware of. She also cannot believe the Vulcan hadn't looked askance at them once or asked them why they were making someone else's love affair their business. In a way, she is glad for that because she doesn't want to be chastised for meddling.

Having situated her hair to her liking, she exits her quarters and goes in search of the very man whose business is her job. She finds him in the Ready Room, looking over reports while Mr. Spock oversees the Bridge. With her usual cheery manner, she replicates him fresh coffee and takes it to the long table he uses for his work desk.

"Good morning, Captain!"

"Good morning, Janice." Kirk smiles at her, but his eyes light up once he sees the coffee. "Have I told you lately what a wonderful person you are?"

"I could stand to hear it more often," she teases, placing the mug into his hand. 

"This is great," he says after taking a sip of his coffee, "just what I needed. You know..." He puts the mug aside and cracks his neck. "If someone had told me at the Academy about the amount of paperwork that came with this job, I might have declined it."

"That's a bald-faced lie, sir," Janice replies. "You love being a captain, and we all know it."

"I guess I enjoy it enough to put up with this, this..." He grimaces at the padds in front of him, not bothering to finish his sentence.

Janice takes pity on him. "I'll help. It's my job after all."

"You can't sign them for me."

"No, but I can tell you which ones need signatures and which ones need to be read through first. Won't that help?"

He nods, looking relieved. "I would appreciate that, Yeoman."

She takes a seat near him. "Certainly, sir."

He goes back to the report he had been reading prior to her entrance, and she reaches for a padd in the stack he hasn't touched.

~~~

Jim almost feels bad. He likes Janice a lot. In fact, right now, he kind of loves her.

But he has to know what part she played in Bones' trip to Engineering. 'Kidnapping', Leonard had decided to call it, which Spock then pointed out was a bit extreme to be an accurate description.

"You weren't the one held hostage by a gaggle of women," the doctor had retorted.

Remembering that argument tickles Jim. He has this really awful desire to watch Leonard and Spock bicker with each other on a regular basis. Maybe that's part of the reason why he loves them so much. They entertain him.

He clears his throat as he picks up another padd deemed as Signature Only by his yeoman. "Would it be awkward if I asked you a personal question, Janice?" he inquires.

"You can ask me anything," she says. "I just might not answer."

Smart girl. He looks down at the report, fumbling the padd a little as if he's nervous. "How would you feel if you found out a commanding officer was having... relations with a subordinate?" 

He sees her freeze out of the corner of his eye.

Then Janice turns to face him. "Sir, if this is leading to a proposition..."

He drops the padd and throws out his hands. "NO! I mean, ah, no, no, no, it's nothing like that." His uncomfortable laugh isn't at all feigned.

The woman stares at him. "I... think I'm insulted."

Oh shit. "Sorry," Jim apologizes. "It's not that you aren't attractive, because you are, definitely you are, but—" Shit all over again. "—I would have to say my interests already lie elsewhere. I apologize, Yeoman, if I offended you in any way." Thank God he can fall back on formalities!

But oddly Janice sits back in her chair, crossing her arms, looking sly in a way Jim hadn't expected.

"Who are you interested in?" she wants to know.

Jim looks left and right.

" _Captain_ ," his yeoman stresses, "I wouldn't think you asked me an idle question. Since you're as high-ranking as they come on this ship, which subordinate are you having—or plan on having—sex with?"

Now he's _very_ uncomfortable. How did she manage to turn his own plan on him? "It's not like that."

She purses her mouth, looking thoughtful. "Is it... that new transfer to Science? Marlena?"

"Who?"

"Maybe it's our pretty ship psychologist, Helen Noel."

"Forget I said anything," Jim pleads.

Janice makes a face. "Tell me it's not Uhura."

"Do I look like I want to die?" says Jim. "She'll serve my balls for breakfast."

"Good, because I would do it if she didn't."

Jim thinks he must be perverse to feel this relieved. "I think we can end the conversation here, Miss Rand." He signs the report in front of him hastily and holds out a hand for the next one, hoping to get her focused on the ship's business again.

Rand is slow to hand over the next padd. "You know," the woman comments too idly, "if you really are interested in someone, sir, that's not a bad thing."

"I know," he replies. 

"As long as Command doesn't find out before you have a chance to tell them."

He winces. " _I know_."

"Otherwise..." Janice shrugs. "It's not a big deal. No one thought ill of Mr. Spock and Lieutenant Uhura when they were together. I doubt anyone would think ill of you either."

"That's good to know," Jim tells her, then promptly pretends to be hearing-impaired for the duration of the next hour.

~~~

"I wonder how Jim fared," Leonard remarks to the Vulcan sitting in front of his desk. "Did he look any different to you on the Bridge? Pleased with himself, maybe?"

"He generally appears pleased," Spock replies. "I did notice, however, that he seemed uncomfortable at one point when Yeoman Rand approached him with a container of coffee."

"It didn't go as planned then." Leonard leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. "I coulda told him it wouldn't. If Rand's at all interested in what's going on between you, Jim, and me, then she'd take an inch and run a mile with it."

"Then I assume you did not speak with Nurse Chapel?"

"Heck no!" Leonard bursts out. "I'm not a stupid man!" Then he snorts. "Besides, I know she was in on it anyway. Otherwise I wouldn't have ended up in that turbolift bound for Hell."

Spock just looks at him.

Leonard amends, "Engineering."

The Vulcan retrieves his cup of tea from the corner of Leonard's desk and takes a sip.

"What's your plan?" Leonard asks him, knowing what Spock's silence means.

"It is a simple one, Dr. McCoy: we tell them."

"So the Ambassador was right after all?"

Spock's eyebrows draw together. "The Ambassador specified nothing. He made a suggestion."

"He was _right_ ," Leonard insists, fighting to keep his expression neutral as Spock's nostrils flare ever-so-slightly. "Look at it this way, Spock," he teases, "you two are practically the same person. If he gets credit, so do you."

Apparently that is too much insult for the Vulcan to bear. Spock stands up, abandoning his tea.

Leonard catches him before he gets to the door. "Now, darlin', I didn't mean it," he soothes.

"You were trying to provoke me."

"Only 'cause it's fun."

"I see no 'fun' in your actions."

"No?" questions Leonard. "Then how about in this?" He pulls the Vulcan in close to press their lips together.

Because they are thus occupied, neither of them has time to react when the door to his office unexpectedly opens. His Head Nurse, Christine Chapel, gapes at them from the other side of the threshold. 

Leonard jerks away from Spock and gapes back at her, at a loss of what to say.

"Um," she mutters, clearly searching for words too. "I'll... come back another time."

The door slides shut.

Leonard looks to Spock, who stares back.

"Well, I guess an announcement won't be necessary now."

"Indeed," murmurs his partner, whose skin is a healthy green.

Leonard lifts a hand and brushes the back of his knuckles lightly against Spock's cheek. "Are you upset?"

"Not particularly," Spock replies. He captures Leonard's hand and lowers it. "If you will excuse me, I think Jim should be informed."

Leonard nods and steps back, allowing Spock to leave.

It turns out that Jim's only response is to shake his head and say, "Let's hope this is the end of it, because I think I underestimated what we're up against!"

~~~

Janice raises her glass to her two friends. "We did it!" she toasts.

The three women down their drinks. 

"But did we really do it?" Christine wants to know as she refills each of their glasses from a decanter. "Just because Leonard and Spock are... involved doesn't mean Jim is too."

Nyota sips at her second drink. "Two out of three isn't bad."

"Hey, don't forget that Kirk is 'interested'!" Janice inserts. "I'd have run him down on the details but he looked close to hiding under the table."

"Yes, the Ambassador did good," Nyota beams. "We should send him a gift basket to say thank you."

"How about a holopic of the boys shacking up?" the nurse suggests.

They break out into laughter. A group of ensigns at the opposite corner of the bar glance in their way. Nyota turns to smile widely at them. They hunker down and lower their heads.

"I'm thinking," she begins, "that this mission is close to completion, ladies—and that makes it somewhat boring for me. Who's next?"

Christine puts her chin into her hand. "Mmm, good question."

"Sulu," Janice offers between mouthfuls of her drink. "He likes his plants too much."

"Not more than Chekov surely," Nyota counters before her expression slowly starts to brighten. "You know, that's a great idea, Jan. Chekov is so _cute_. Too cute to stay on the market for long without landing into trouble. We need to do something about that."

Christine tilts her head. "So that's it for Kirk, Spock, and McCoy?"

"Until I have to start worrying about my ex again," the dark-haired woman replies. "But if he's already to the stage of letting McCoy kiss him, he'll be okay for a while."

"Well, I still want proof," complains Janice. "Kirk's stupid enough to let the other two love each other without thinking he should have any part in it."

"Oh, _pining_ ," Christine grimaces, "I hate that."

"Exactly."

Nyota straightens in her seat. "Then it's settled! Janice, stay on the trio situation until they've said wedding vows. Chris and I will lay the groundwork for Sulu and Chekov." With a decisive nod, she lifts her glass in a second toast. "We make a good team. To us!"

"To us!" Rand and Chapel cheer, raising their glasses in agreement.

 

_-Fini_


End file.
